Bitching about life
2003-07-19 || 11:40 a.m.
I need a higher paying job. Like just ONE job that I can get paid alot at. I am 23 years old & I am a bagger at IGA & a busser at BPs. I mean how sad is that?? I should be in school now, I should have a career, be married, have my liscense & all this but nope. I waited to long for all this to happen. I need to get my diploma so I can take something in college but still I don't know what. I mean most people go rite after high school or are at least in there now. But nope I had to wait to long. Now I have two jobs that most people would have DURING high school & still don't even have anything saved cuz I spend it on crap. Instead I am this pathetic little girl who does nothing but bitch & has nothing going for her. :(
Plus I wish I was there more for my friends instead of fighting with them & being an immature person. I should also be there for my mom & the rest of my family more. I wish everyone could get along.
Allison~I wish that my mom wasn't so rude to you & that I can be there for you more than I have. I am glad we are hanging out way more than we have been before. I am glad your my friend & hope we can stay friends for along time.
Deanna~I miss talking to you sooo much & wish I haven't said those things to you that day. I miss our talks, I miss going to clubs, I miss everything. Nothing can change what I did to you. I always feel like calling you but don't know what to say cuz I was rude to you last time & feel so bad after all the shit you've been thru with other friends, family & men. You don't deserve that hell. I hope we can be friends again sometime.
Dawn~I miss the DDR, hanging out @ West Ed with you, going to the park & talking about life & stuff. I wish we could hang out more than we have been.
I should stop smoking. I am not a smoker nor will I ever be one. I should write about my probs, talk to people more or something instead of smoking them away. Who knows what it is doing to my system rite now plus with doing both jobs on the same day alot of the time & going from one to the next like I usually do. Thats probably one reason I was sick. Smoking is bad for you & can get you sick but with everything happening like my mom becoming an alcoholic like she probably will by going to see the guy she likes all the time...plus my two jobs like I said. Its not helping. I need my liscnese so bad rite now so I can go visit Edmonton & my friends there more often. I miss it sooo much. I also need to save to move out since the drivers ed is taken care of. My mom doesn't even know yet & don't really want to tell her. God I know its her money but she's throwing it all away on alcohol now. She has a hang over rite now as we speak & she's like "NO MORE BARS" but I heard her say it before & she still went. Last nite I even said to her "How much did you spend?" & she's like "Ohhh I don't know. I didn't even pay the phone bill but I don't care!" she was all drunk & stuff & was out of her mind. How much has she had in her?! I guess I could probably tell her I spent my money on driver's ed becuz it IS my money & its better than throwing it away on booze. Her & her friends were all trying to get me to drink alcohol but I stayed with my pop thank you very much. Ewww & some of her older guy friends were practically hitting on me. Ewww!
Also last nite I didn't want to go home yet so I ended up going by the river which is usually the worst place to go at nite & at the bottom of the hill there was some kind of dog sitting there & it barked at me. It was a high pitched sounding bark that I never heard before & I stood there with it looking at me. It barked again & I was backing away. I looked at it again & it was going up the hill closer to me so I started running faster & it was crossing the street to the side I was on so I freaked & ran up the hill screaming my head off & went to hide behind some building with garbage cans aroud it & I was freaked as hell cuz I didn't know if this dog was hungry, had rabies or what kind of dog it was at all so I thought I would of been mauled by it. I know it sounds weird but its true. I mean what kind of dog was it? A coyote? A wolf? Maybe just a little terrier but I couldn't tell in the dark with just street lights around. Whatever.
Did I say that Dan is moved out? If not then yes he is moved out! I hope this helps my mom out alot but then again she's going to go to the bar alot more often & bring home freaky friends of hers...*shudders*
But yah that's all I have to say & sorry about all the bitching & complaining but it had to be said.