I feel sooo dirty!
2003-09-06 || 2:42 p.m.
OMG I am like freaking totally out rite now & I dont know what to do. He just ruined my life between me & my mom! What the hell is wrong with him?! He tried it again this morning. He knocked on my frigging door & just came in when I was pretending to be sleeping. Usually not answering means dont come in cuz no one invited him. But he layed on the bed beside me & was rubbing my bum & saying how nice it was & stuff. I was about to roll off tha bed & leave but hes like "no no please dont leave" & wrapped his arms around me. He did stuff to me to make me dirty even if I said it shouldnt be happening. He made me feel so fricking dirty & confused after. He doesnt want me to tell anyone cuz it will ruin things between him & mom. Besides I dont want to ruin things between me & her either cuz if I tell her she will never see him ever again cuz he will be leaving town. What should I do? Please help me out!! :( Should I keep it inside & feel guilty & dirty so me & my mom will stay close or should I just tell her so he leaves & she doesnt want to see me again[maybe]?? Why the f--- did he have to do this to me. I did keep telling him things like "This shouldnt be happening" or "stop doing that" & stuff. But he didnt feel guitly til he was done doing the stuff. Then hes like "Im sorry! I dont know what was wrong with me!" Whatever...I dont know what to do anymore....