Feeling bad about my bod again...
2003-09-18 || 6:00 p.m.
I am starting to feel worse about my body again. I just want to throw up my food rite now. I want to be really skinny so there is absolutely no fat on me at all. Not even the so called "good" fat. I want to have a high metabolism[or low..whatever one makes you stay skinny no matter what]. There is this girl who works @ BPs with me & she is skinny as hell. She eats & doesnt puke it up & shes 94lbs! Lucky lucky her. I just want to have NO FAT WHATSOEVER on me & not even starving myself makes me lose wieght like I want to. I guess thats really a good thing though rite?
Awww & today the girl I was talking about..her name is Jessica & some guy came into the restaurant to give her flowers & it was sooo sweet of him! He was pretty cute too but she doesnt know if she wants to go out with him or go back with her ex...awww I miss having a man to talk about in here.
I want something to happen to me that I can talk about! Like I dont wanna get raped or beat up or anything just so I have something to talk about but like going back to school, meeting someone, talking to my ex again, dating my ex again or Matt asking me out...something!!! I mean who thinks my diary is getting boring?! ME!! I bet half of the people who actually put me on as a fave diary will start taking me off of theres!
My mom doesnt want me to be home tomorrow for her friends party mostly cuz Dean is going to be there[the guy that made the passes at me two or three weeks ago]. Shes trying to get me to leave the house tomorrow & getting me to take days off to get rid of me by sending me to the city[not that I mind of course!!]but tha point is that shes trying to get RID of me...she doesnt WANT me there. Well I have waaaay more of a bloody rite to be there then her bf or whoever does...thats for damn sure! Whatever...shes going to miss me when I am gone in Spring...I wish sooner!