I dont feel the same way right now..
2001-04-11 || 9:27 p.m.
I dont feel the same way about James as I used to. He doesnt interest me that way anymore. Yeah I still like him & still want to go out with him but....I guess its becoz I made a total fool out of myself last night. Becoz I gave him this note thanking him for complimenting me on my hair that night becoz hes the first guy besides family that ever did something like that & it made me really happy. I told him that in the letter & said I was embarassed about it & everything. He was taking a break & eating when I gave the note to him & I was probably red. I looked at him & he was looking at me & was probably thinking Ooookay. I cant believe I gave him the note. I feel like such a bonehead. Then after awhile he is like "Renee you dont have to be embarassed to say thank you. I dont know why you would" & all I could say was "I dont really talk to guys much sooo..." and he is like "oh" & I felt so stupid. Who knows what he is thinking. Probably laughing at me...whatever.
OMG but Lance made my day better! How sad is this? I only saw Lance for like 45 min & he talked to me alot more than James did when I saw him for 7 freaking hours!! We talked about what my counsellor thinks about my job & everything. But bad news...my sister came home telling me that Lance was crying becoz his friend died. I was like "Awww..." becoz I felt so sad for him. I was also in a upset mood all day & was crying alot. I was saying how life wouldnt be any different if I was gone....it would just be one less annoying person in the world anyway sooo....I even called my friend & left a message on her answering machine. I was telling her sorry for never e-mailing her or calling her & stuff. I was upset while I was talking & I wonder if she noticed?
My sister still doesnt know I smoke...DOH! Alot of people in Dennys know but not her yet. Well I got to go. I think the reason why I dont care for James much anymore is becoz nothing much happened. I was hoping for him to hug me for some reason but he didnt. Oh well life goes on. Hes one of the first people I ever liked in that way that werent famous or gay. I had a crush on Lance for awhile but now when I see him I only think of him as my sisters co worker...!
Now my sister wants to take me to the doctor on my next day off which is next Tuesday...who knows what she will say then????????