My birthdays coming again!!
2002-03-10 || 9:31 a.m.
Hmmm...I didnt know how fast time goes by when you have a job & everything. Its almost been a year[on the 22nd]since Ive had this Dennys job. WOO FUCKING HOO rite? LOL.. Anywho...my birthday is coming up that means. Yep I am 22 this year...another year older. Last year me & three friends went to West Ed & a movie...! James wants to spend my birthday with me this year & i fucking hope he means it & doesnt cancel the plans for a Warhammer game with his buds. I kind of miss birthday parties. I would love to have a birthday party & invite James, other Dennys people I talk to alot, Deanna, Lisa, Allison, Jessica, my family & even friends of these people if they would like to go. But what kind of party hostess would I be? Yay Im sure I would have parties that people would love to go to all the time! NOT. But yah a birthday party would be pretty kewl...!! Hmmm I wonder if there would be time to plan one? I wouldnt care if anyone gave me anything...I am way past that give me presents stage. I would just like everyone to be there & not be bored & theres what my birthday wish is! Plus I live in an apartment which means we couldnt be too loud. And there would be so many peopel coming & its too small for so many of them!
I am so happy about Tuesday coming...!! I want to go to conselling for my eating disorders & depression. I dont know why I had to wait so long to want to but now I cant wait! Id love to love myself & im not hoping to *loooove* food or anything...just not care about how many calories this *celery stick* has. Whatever...!! But once I am seeing the counsellor I am going to write about it in here so everyone here will no what happens when you get help from an eating disorder & depression..like what they show you & stuff. Then if you are any of these then you will know what will happen once you get help. Please do if you have one becoz I dont want to see you guys like me. I have no idea if I told you this in my diary ever or if I always thought this was too personal to talk about but...in 1999 I overdosed on my moms bfs pills & came close to dying. I wouldnt be here if my sister wasnt there so Keri thank you sooo much for being there! She was the one who knew something was wrong with me coz I was acting different the last few days. I mean I was fucking drugged up for a few days & I got worse everyday until early on May 7 1999 I think & thats when I was taken to the hospital. I was in there for like a week, everyone came & I got so much attention & presents. It almost seems like that is the only time I got that much attention. I didnt do it for the attention I did it becoz I was sick of living & wanted to get away from everything. I overdosed a few more times..make that like five I think & the more I did it the less people cared...well besides my sister! Shes always been there for me no matter what. Shes the one who always saying "Eat" & actually trying to do something about it, shes the one who was there no matter how many times I overdosed, shes the one who is still living with me after how much of a pain in the butt i can be...I love that girl no matter how much we fight or I tell her I want to move away from her. Everyone says what they dont mean alot anyway rite? Oh yah another thing I will tell you is how happier I feel after taking the anti depression pills & stuff for awhile. Maybe after getting rid of all my problems I will be able to talk more, not be anti-social as Lance puts it[coz I am always by myself]& be able to say fricking NO to people & speak my little mind!!! >:)
Were going to West Edmonton Mall today. Me, James, Hilarie, her boyfriend Dan & I dunno who else. But guess *why* were going? *GASP!* Yep Games Workshop AKA Warhammer store! Yay!! Not...!! But I am trying not to care I mean fuck if its something James really loves to play & its a huge hobbie of his...then gosh darnit I shouldnt care coz i mean god forbid he has a fricking hobby rite? Its up to him what to play not me...just becoz I dont like it it doesnt give me a rite to be annoyed...well I can but its dumb. He just seems to like the game more than me thats all! Thats why I care so much thats all...does that mean I am jealous of a game?? I Hope not! I hope someone who isnt into Warhammer comes to West Ed with us becoz I am sick of this game still & I dont want to go roaming the mall alone again! I need someone with me dammit! Maybe I will see other people there that I Know. I wish Deanna & me were still talking. We could of met up @ the mall while James & the gang look at Warhammer! I miss Dee. But I know it must be frustrating to know that your friend is staying with someone who really upsets her no matter how much you try to get her to break up with him. Shes been telling me this for along time & the most I did was talk to him about it. Were getting better becoz he even talked to my sister about being her future brother in law & wouldnt flirt with her becoz of it! He said she was pretty enough to flirt with but didnt becoz hes dating her sister! That sounds like a good thing dont you think?
I have so many things I want to do for my b-day. A birthday party, bar, movie, club/party & there was a few other things I wanted but cant think of them anymore. Well I got to go now okay? I will go snuggle upstairs with James if hes still sleeping...I couldnt sleep so I came downstairs to write in my diary again. Tootles...!! =)