I am nothing but a fucked up bitch!!
2001-04-19 || 12:34 p.m.
Awww my friend made me something before all of this happened. She was worried about me when I first started my job becoz I sounded so tired & was upset. She really cared about me & all I could do was talk behind her back. Sure I might of said those things like in Feb but still it sucks that she had to find out that way. I think I should of listened to my e-mail friend & told her myself. I would show it to you but I cant upload pictures on this diary yet. It was so sweet of her to make me what she did! And now she is so hurt becoz of what I said to her behind her back before & I feel so guilty becoz of it. I kept hurting her before & we finally became closer than ever & look what happens. I dont know if I can ever be happy again becoz what kind of cold hearted person would be happy after knowing their friend is heart broken?! Oh yeah real mature there...."oh i hurt my friend. i miss james!" thats so mean of me to always think of James after what I did. My e-mail friend is right I AM such a bitch for hurting my friend. I got to go. My friend is the sweetest person & I dont know how I could of thought she was conceited or that she bragged. She likes herself...so what?! I dont deserve to find a boyfriend or keep any other friends...I did too many dumb things in my life...this world would be better without me & I am not saying this to make people feel sorry for me. This is how I feel right now & will for a long time. Until I know my friend is happy again & forgetting about stupid me.