Babbling from the Queen of Boringness...
2003-02-24 || 3:24 p.m.
You know? I think I mite know another cause of my ED. I've always thought that I was not good @ anything @ all. I never had any friends really, I didn't do well in school, guys never liked me, I was always scared of failing or being the "loser" in games which is why I haven't bothered studying much for school or for my learners since that day I "failed" the test w/ flying colors. I am scared of saying the wrong things to my friends or to guys I hope to date sumtime...I'm afraid to lose people I love. I also always wanted to lose weight for awhile now...even before my ED happened. I think I felt like "Well if I can't do this or this rite...maybe I can make myself lose weight" kind of like that. I think...I'm not quite sure but thats how I feel @ the mo. I don't like how I can never keep friends for long. I always seem to end up losing them somehow. Like my friend from the WestEnd...I haven't talked to her in ages. Everytime we make plans to meet up @ the mall or something...something comes up & we end up not even telling each other.
I don't even think I can actually lose weight even...I never feel thinner. I wish I could lose it the good way...well the way that people who are non ED would say we should do it. *sigh*
Anywho did I mention quitting Denny's yet? Probably not since it was last nite when I gave in the two weeks notice & I haven't updated this diary yet. Yah..I'm just not happy there anymore. I feel like I can't make people happy there anymore...even when I'm hostessing I do something wrong. I feel like no matter what I do I end up doing something wrong. And i'm not happy being someone's slave anymore. Fuck them they can clean up their own shit!! I'm not there maid or not their janitor & definitely not their slave. No more!
Okay I'm done venting about that. What else...oh me & Allison are going to save up money to go to England/Wales/London or something like that! The plan is to go in 2006 but sooner depending on how much money is saved!! :) I can't wait to go!! No one's ever wanted to go on a trip w/ me before! We're both jobless rite now so I guess that's the first thing we will have to do! Well I have two weeks left so maybe during these two weeks while I'm still @ Denny's another job I apply @ will call! I hope so!! :)
Hmmm anything else? Nope...that's all from my boring self rite now anyway. Who knows what later on will bring? Maybe we will get robbed even lol...no probably not cuz there is nothing really to take. Leave our cats alone though!!! GRRRR....