Chris's funeral & how he changed me
2002-07-28 || 6:05 p.m.
Chris's funeral was pretty hard to go through...mostly becoz of how bad the family was especially his mom...!! But obviously it was sad becoz I won't see him anymore & won't be able to become better friends with him. It also made me sad becoz I know what its like to be suicidal & I almost put my family through the same way Chris's family was.
Chris's death changed me alot though becoz now I know how short life is & that you should try to spend as much time as you can with your friends & everyone & tell them how much you care about them becoz you never know when one of you is going to go.
I still don't get why he would of killed himself. No one does coz he was always in the happiest mood & joking around & everything...he didn't seem depressed at all...but obviously he was inside...he did the sweetest things like always telling everyone how much he loved them...[even men!]& he even dedicated "The Perfect Fan" by the Backstreet Boys to his mom one Christmas which was so sweet of him!
James has been there for me through all of this so I'm happy about that. I haven't complained about him since who knows how long..!
But Chris...I wish that I would of got to become better friends with you but no matter what "friend" I will always love you & always miss you & hope to see you when its my turn to go. I hope that you are watching over all of your loved ones especially your family...& helping them get through it. Sorry I couldn't of been there for you & listened to you if you needed to talk about what was bothering you...coz I know what its like to feel that way too so I could of helped you better...I'm sorry about what was bothering you & i really wish you could be alive again but anyway I hope to see you sometime soon...as you can tell I'm always thinking about you the whole time I'm awake...& yes I liked you in the same way I like James even if I tried my hardest not to! Not that its a bad thing or anything but I would rather not like someone else in that way until me & him are broken up! But anyway "friend" I have to go but even if you now know the "real me" I hope that we can still talk alot more when I die...& we can at least become better friends then! Thank you for being the sweetheart you were to me, your close friends & your family when you were on Earth & sticking up for me about the servers bitching about getting seated too much or less...!! And yes Carol "The Newfie" is still here being the annoying woman you knew her as!! LOL But I got to go now...see you later k?
Luv Renee-Anne