The story of my parents divorce & why I think Christmas depresses me!
2001-12-13 || 10:52 a.m.
There are 12 days left til Christmas...you know like the song says "On the 12th day of Christmas my true love gave to me..." but I would be lucky if I even get something on Christmas DAY from James...for some reason I doubt he will end up getting me anything which is okay with me becoz just as long as we are still together then that will be an awesome present for me!! =) Yes after all the things hes done to me...I still love him to death coz he can be so adorable & everything!! No he doesnt seem to care alot but at least hes still cute...being nice is better than looks but he has SOMETHING & its not like hes MEAN but Id love him to care more than he does...just to forget Warhammer even exists & remember he has a wonderful girlfriend that would love to spend time with him too! =)
I have to say...if someone could be charged for forced oral sex...I could of done it to James last Friday nite[or Saturday morning]coz we were like making out & then he was kissing me "down there" & it started feeling weird & tickling down there so I was trying to stop him from doing that to me & so he held my arms tight & everytime I tried to pull them away then he would pin them down or hold on tighter so I COULDNT GET AWAY! I was actually getting worried & scared becoz of it but I obviously forgive & forget becoz I am still with him & I didnt really tell him I how I felt about it!! I should of though....! Anywho...
Theres something about Christmas...that depresses me for some reason. Yeah I love Christmas & all like becoz everyone is happy, the malls & streets look so pretty with the lights & decorations everywhere & also the cartoons we get every year I cant forget!! But something still depresses me...I think it may have to do with...my parents being divorced??? Every Christmas they were together...I was happy & always giddly picking & shaking my presents under the tree & putting all of mine in a little pile...I would always be under the tree shaking them & everything & especially wondering what the big ones were...but then in 1998 when my parents divorced...my dad met someone else...Ive been happy with them becoz shes awesome & so sweet but then ever since then...& my mom being with the reason they divorced...Dan...I cry every Christmas for some reason! Espcially at Dad & Judys[his wife since June 2000]! Actually even rite now...it looks weird that they are not together anymore...my dad is actually married again & for some reason I forgot that! It must be becoz I am tired rite now & cant take a "doe doe" which is Dans way of saying nap becoz then I will sleep past my shift at 3...I was up allll nite & sleeped for like an hour & a half or something since like 12 pm yesterday[Weds coz todays Thursday]& even then I was tired for some reason. WHo knows...whatever! Last Christmas though I believe I didnt cry so hopefully I wont this year either...! I wonder if it iis becoz of the divorce????....