I decided to stop talking to James cold turkey...what will HE think?
2003-02-18 || 5:20 a.m.
Well last nite I did something that was hard for me to do. I called James & left a message on his answering machine saying how I think it would be best to not talk anymore...even at Dennys becoz it would be sooo much easier for me that way & since its alot easier on him as it is[after all he DOES have a new gf rite?]it shouldnt bother him. But I told him how it was nice knowing him & stuff like that blah blah blah but its for the best since I fall more in love with him whenever I see him. Why not never see him again then rite? Rite. But I still mite show up at his concert in March...I dunno coz I like his band still & miss them & their music. I dont know if it will be the rite thing though. I really need you guys to tell me if I should or not!
Yah...no one even likes his gf really...HAH! I know its dumb for me to say that about an old friend of mine but I dont know...maybe im jealous really but she just doesnt seem like she is good for him. She seems to be changing him in someway coz he seems different & not in a good way either. His roommate cant stand her he says & coworkers all say "oh she seems rude or shes not all that great & youre so much better" HAH yah rite...to me shes prettier & sooo much funner[or seems]& I think James will be much happier with her. They can have each other I dont care...I love him too much & cant take it anymore so yah...no more talking to him!! Besides if I go to the concert..or maybe I will stay in the back?
I always thought of me & James to be kind of a Ross & Rachel type couple...where we dated but still are friends after & still have feelings for each other but date other people, get jealous, get back together when we break up with the other people, break up...blah blah. But Ross & Rachel are sooo much better than me & James! And also Ross treated/treats Rachel sooo much better than James did to me, Ross actually has feelings back for Rachel when she has them for him[I dont know if James ever exactly has feelings for me anymore]& Ross & Rachel are awesome together & people want them together but think Im better off without James. Friends is one of my fave shows but sometimes the Ross & Rachel parts remind me of us...well alot of the time NOT sometimes. And the One With The Unagi is hard for me to watch becoz James always did that to me when we were dating..."DANGER!!!" he would say & then "Unagi" & he would do the hand thing...*sigh* I just need time to get away from him. Okay one more thing about his gf. I wish I would know if she liked me still or not becoz it would give me a better reason to KICK HER ASS if she ever hurt James in anyway..hey I would have to kick James ass if he hurt her too! She at least WAS an old friend....but only if she likes me still..if not "HAHA go James!" heh Im mean arent i? :)
ANYWHO....eating disorder news. Ive been unfortunately able to not eat much the last few days & puked up what I did becoz of feeling guilty.
As far as I remember this is everything foodwise...
Saturday~mozza stix & chicken strips from Dennys purged
Sunday~tortellini purged...
Monday~two peices of herb toast from Dennys purged
Tuesday~so far two hotdogs, an ice cream bar & four cookies[early morning binge & purge]
Plus with the last few days being busy & me running around doing EVERYTHING plus not eating or purging what I DO eat I probably lost at least a pound if not that then alot of calories.
What else? Im going to see Jessica later on today to see how shes doing & then I am going back to my moms for a few days...until Friday nite! I need to see my dad more often too. I am thinking if I should try to see my dad one week then my mom the next then dad then mom...or what? At least every few weeks rite?
But yah...I should probably go to sleep longer rite now & just forget about James. Hey if you guys know of any where I can go to meet people[friends or guys]let me know okay??? :)