You cant get everything you want!
2001-07-04 || 8:39 a.m.
Can someone please tell me why God can be so cruel? Well not really cruel..but just unfair!! I just want one thing good happen in my life & that is to be liked by the guy I like! Is that so hard!? Last night I was with him for like 7 hours & he hardly even said anything to me!! I passed him so many times & he didnt even look! Then other times he hugged me & stuff! Guys can be so confusing & the only way I will know if he likes me is by asking him if he does & I can never do something like that!! I told my friend I might tell him that he is really nice & sweet & that his girlfriend would be lucky to have someone like him! Should I do it? Would it sound weird?
I know I shouldnt waste my time liking one guy but I cant help it he is so damn cute & nice!! I always daydream about our "first kiss" & I get butterflies in my stomach! God hasnt really let anything good happen to me. Want proof? Heres what happened to me....!
~I got teased in school
~I never had a boyfriend yet
~Ive never really had many friends
~My first real job is practically being a JANITOR
~I have all these personal problems
~The guys I like never really like me back
~My parents got divorced
See what I mean!? Before today I was all complaining in my head "I dont care about James anymore" & I didnt even look at him...but when I do I cant help but like him again! I know I cant just automatically stop liking him. It doesnt work that way...even I know that & I dont know much about that kind of thing!
I wish God would just be nice to me once in his life & let me have the one guy I really like. Thats all. Nothing else! Just James! But nooo God forbid! I mean look at Keri & Lance! Hes gay & she is even having better luck with him talking to her!
I guess people cant always have what they want...some people dont get ANYTHING they want let alone SOME things! *sigh* Oh well I guess. I really like James but if I cant be his girlfriend then I will try to move on.
I might quit Dennys but I am not sure. The job I have is really not my thing. I will try finding a different job but stay in Dennys for awhile too...!
Well I got to go. I just did a late night & it is early in the morning still...so I have to go to bed now not that I want to...! But anyways Good bye peepz!! =)