fatty fat ass that is me!
2002-06-03 || 11:56 p.m.
I'm not even sure if James is going to stay with me much longer...becoz of the bulimia thing I have. He's getting pretty annoyed by it & I don't blame him. And today he wanted to go to Red Robin's & wanted me to order something & I ended up telling him that when I puke up my food now that there was blood in it. He says I can help doing it & all I said was that people have to be anorexic/bulimic before they know what we are going through & that I have this same talk with my sister. He didn't say anything so i changed the subject. I ended up not ordering anything which annoyed him & I put my hand on his arm & he kind of moved it away. But last time we talked he was all happy & stuff again...good thing! See besides the Warhammer crap he's always blabbing about & the eating disorder thing...we're doing well together & it will be exactly 8 months in 4 mins! Well he doesn't really compliment me or he doesn't help when I am behind on dishes but I still like being with him...!!
But I wish people would stop telling me how easy it is to not throw up or anything! ITS FUCKING HARDER THAN THEY FUCKING THINK DAMMIT!!!! I want everyone who says this to become anorexic or bulimic for a day just to see how hard it is for us...then they won't be able to talk like that to us!!
Hey its just as hard for alot of us to eat & keep it down then it is for food lovers NOT to eat!! They get hungry so they eat rite? Well we get hungry so we DON'T eat & if we DO then we throw it up!!
Anyway I got to go...I'm feeling pretty fat rite now for no reason really. hmmm what was the point of me saying that?....