Happy 2003!! Behave people lol!
2003-01-01 || 2:08 a.m.
Well I hope everyone has a better year in 2003 than they did any other year! I hope people get over their bad habits, exes, eating disorders & anything else. I definitely am one of millions of people who are going to be dead serious about resolutions this year!! I'm going to be a totally different person this year. Instead of just saying "Oh this looks boring" or whatever I'm going to try playing or watching or whatever it is" maybe I will like it really? I'm not afraid to deny that this has something to do w/ James because truthfully it is. Not 100% about it but now I know that I'm not going to assume something is boring like Warhammer or science fiction movies. I e-mailed him tonite & hope he calls or e-mails me back. Even though I said I wasn't going to talk to him until after my holidays[hopefully]in Februray. I hope to be over it all by then. Why does it seem so hard? Its driving me insane & other people too. Everything seems to remind me of him & its pissing me off! I don't even know why he even decided to go out w/ me in the first place cuz he probably knew that we weren't alike from the beginning. Unfortunately I had feelings for him ever since i met him & dating him made me grow deeper in love with him & I wish that wasn't true. Do you know how much easier this would of been if I lost feelings for him!?!? REALLY easy!!
We were supposed to go to the First Nights Festival[Edmonton]tonite for New Years but ended up staying home. I wanted to go but its no biggie cuz it was mostly to get my mind off of him. Jeeperz...I think December '02 was the worst month of 2002 for me!
But this year is going to be different! Yah yah thats what everyone says but this time i mean it! They are the hardest things to NOT to...like stopping the pop & sugar, not talking about my ex all da time & thingz like that. People tell me its not so hard but ya...easier said than done people! I'm going to be totally different this year & not for attention or to get "certain someone" back or anything it may seem. I just want to be free of depressing boring days, more outgoing, have more hobbies & prettier! I wanna get a tan in Jan or Feb! And learn how to put make up on better..!! And most importantly...STOP MISSING JAMES SO MUCH!!!!
Its cold where i am rite now. I'm at my dads acredge rite now & while everyone is probably falling asleep..I'm on the computer typing my weak & fragile little heart out. The thing breaks so easily over every little joke or anything of the like so its fragile.
*Yawn* I'm tired. I better get off the net now. I will probably end up writing again tomorrow or Thursday(@ the library)but I hope y'all have a happy 2003 & don't get in TOO much trouble! ;) Heehee...I really need the internet back & at HOME too!! =) Wish me luck cuz I'm going to need it from the resolutions I have!!