Weeks gone... nothing new..
2002-01-29 || 6:18 p.m.
I havent written in here for weeks. Its already the ending of Jan...!! And guess what? Still theres nothing much new happening with me. Yes thats how boring my life is. Once in awhile something new will happen like how for awhile it was always "I miss James" or "I want James" yeah whatever...then he kissed me so it got more interesting & then he started treating me worse than a bit better than worse again so now thats boring! Well at the mo I am not sure whats happening with him. My friend Deanna says that I should talk to him but I am so scared to lose him if he doesnt like what I have to say! Also he used to always kiss me & make out with me all the time & lately..well...weve spent the weekend that just past[is that the rite word or is it PASSED? Oh who cares?]together & we mostly gave each other like two small pecks a day...like three seconds at the most! Its scaring me becoz I dont really want to lose him so I should just talk to him. But whatever I was alot more positive earlier today...figures...sheesh when I am being & feeling positive I only stay positive for a few hours but I can be negative & depressed for weeks or months even! Whatever....before I was saying that if James ever broke up with me then I would cry & then get over it coz there are other fish in the sea & being single isnt so bad but now I cant say it as happy & positive as I did when I told Deanna in a e-mail. Awww I wish James would do something sweet for me...! He still hasnt done anything for me or gotten me anything =( I know it sounds greedy but it would be nice of him to do something for me like i have for him... oh who am I kidding...I would die of shock if he ever did anything for me... =(
For frick sake I need to go out more than I do becoz moping around at home all day & nite that I am off isnt going to make me any better. I should talk to him & see whats up with him & whats happening with us? If us not kissing anymore means that were slowly breaking up...I dont feel any less in love...I feel more in love with him than ever before which SUCKS coz if we break up it will hurt even more =( He hasnt done anything sweeter to me than he has before & I like him more! GRRR why!? He never does anything for me like how I do for him & I like him more!! =( So of course thinking of him breaking up with me DOES make me sadder...well this is alot more boring than i thought so I am going to say goodbye & I hope that I will have something better to say next time especially if I go weeks without writing in here! Well bye...!