Someone to love me....
2002-04-16 || 9:46 p.m.
There is one thing I want to be rite now. Loved. I want to be loved by everyone I know. Family. Friends. My boyfriend. Employees. Anyone like that. I hardly get any compliments from anyone, unless I am already dissing myself. I've been dissed & hurt so much in my life especially in school & now I'm not used to compliments when I do get them. I would once like to know that someone is talking nicely about me to someone else when I'm not around, like saying how beautiful I am or how sweet I am. But usually no one says anything unless it's something mean. Why must there be so many hurtful & heartless people in this world? Why must people hurt others just to make themselves feel better? Why must people like me hurt themselves to be liked more? Like by starving themselves to make themselves thinner or making themselves like something or hate something so people would like them more?? Like for me I would never "like" Warhammer just in case James is annoyed with me. If I don't then I don't. but I would love to be loved by many. Admired or inspiring to people...wishing they were like me. I feel like alot of people wouldn't care if I was gone. I left this world & never came back. Sometime I think some of them would be happy. Why can't someone love me for once? Stop ignoring me & notice that I'm alive dammit! Do you know how surprised I am that I actually got a boyfriend? Heck do you even know how surprised I am that I am still with him!? He's not too bad these days like I said before but I still wish that he would prove that he cares more than he does. I'm negative...therefore I believe that people who are nice to me...aren't nice to me behind my back. They pretend to be nice. They pretend to care. I wish I could know what people are thinking so I can know "the real truth" about what people are thinking about me. I will know how they trully feel & aren't just making me happy. I no that I should feel guilty of talking about people behind their backs. I admit that but I regret it becoz I know how hurtful it is & how much it hurt those people when they find out.
Well...what's the point of this rambling? It's pointless becoz I can't change people & make them like me more plus I just ramble on & don't make sense at all do I? LOL I didn't think so...!
~hugs~ xoxo
Luv, Renee