Blah blah blah
2003-03-01 || 4:06 p.m.
Last nite @ Denny's was sooo stressful. We had nothing but *self seaters*
which are people who just find whatever seat they want instead of waiting for the hostess to seat them, crabby customers, crabby employees[well one neway], drunk idiots, people fighting & just plain stubborn bitches!!! I was so stressed that I had to just go to the back & cry. One server would tell me to hold the door cuz the cookz were behind on their food then another would get cranky cuz I was leaving people standing their instead of doing my job, customers were cranky cuz they had to stand[can u blame them?]& I got behind on drink orders GRRRR!!! It made me feel like I can't do anything rite for anyone & I hate feeling that way!! Cuz I know that alot of the things I do wrong I don't do wrong on purpose but when everyone is yelling @ me about something it doesn't FUCKING help. Like this one lady asked me why I sat her & her husband in the corner? It wasn't a fucking corner lady & if you would rather sit closer to loud obnoxious people[these two were a quiet older couple]than SORRY I was just trying to be nice! Anyway enough about that STUPID REDICULOUS FUCKED UP store for now cuz I'm done soon & sooo happy to be!!
Anywho...I think I am going to try to be *J* friend again...even *A* cuz it was stupid to even bitch about them like that when they didn't even do anything wrong on purpose...I mean oohh they went out. How shameful of them. Theyre going out. Noooo *J* has a new girlfriend...god forbid. I think the reason why I was so mad about them was becuz *A* gets the one guy who actually cared enough about me in that way to stay w/ me for so long even after all the crap I put him through..! And I feel like I will never find someone like him...becuz its ME I doubt I will find anyone who actually DOES things for me like surprising me w/ flowerz & stuff! And well for *J* I was mad becuz I wanted to be w/ him still & he loves someone else in the same way I loved him...sumtimes I still do want to be w/ him still. I want to go hang out w/ him but he'll probably bring her w/ us & I will start crying like a baby in front of them.
It sucks cuz Blake doesn't seem too interested in me anymore...another guy who does seem interested who I talked to on the phone even lives in Toronto so I dunno how we can hook up? I don't think long distance relationships would work out for me cuz I couldn't even handle not seeing *J* that much when we were dating. I'm still wondering how different he treats *A*? If they see each other or talk to each other on the phone everytime they get a chance or if he makes up that Warhammer plan excuse he made to me? I hope the second one.... *sighh* cuz I don't think its rite for someone to treat one bf/gf sweeter than the other. Its not rite. If one person get this or doesn't get that then thats how it should be for the next. Dont you think?!
Now my eating disorder hasn't really changed yet. Its no better or no worse than last time. I still feel like binging & purging...except for last nite the cheesecake @ Denny's I couldn't purge cuz there was so many people around to do it[the morning staff]...& then the two handfuls of cerial..enh its cereal no biggie. But I think I'll end up b/p today cuz my sister just bought lots of groceries & there's chicken burgers, cookies, fugicles & a few other things there. But I don't drink too much Coke these days the last time I drank a whole thing of Coke was two or three days ago when I was w/ *D2* @ West Edmonton Mall giving out resumes....but after that I bought more of those flavored waters from Shoppers[sugar free of course]& even said NO about McDonalds yesterday when my sisters got some even, last nite at Denny's the only things I drank was DIET Coke, Orange pop & water..not one thing of regular Coke whatsoever! See I'm doing better & worse cuz I'm not sure if thats bad or good anymore!
Well today I'm going to be cleaning the house as much as I can again EXcluding the laundry unfortunately cuz we have no laundry money. THAT'S whats making our room the messiest dammit! Enh what are you going to do?
Luv Renee-AN(n)A<----my middle name is Anne so I can take one n away & replace the E w/ another A for Ana so its like Renee-Ana...but thats dorky lol...