I hope my friend is okay...!
2001-05-03 || 9:22 a.m.
My friend is so sad nowadays...she wants to comitt suicide. I am scared that she might becoz even if we dont talk much anymore i will still be devastated becoz of everything she did for me & I like being her friend & knowing her. I want to talk to her but what if I make her feel worse?! I dont wannt that. Shes like one of the nicest people I know!! I dont want to never see or hear from her again =( Shes so young & everything & she doesnt deserve to be dead. I hope her life gets better & so she doesnt think that way anymore. Me though...I DO deserve it. I feel like I am nothing & need help with anything & cant fucking do anything on my own!! I am slow too. Sighhh...I am fat & ugly & stupid. Like James would like me in that way. Yeah right! JAMES HARRISON?! Like ME in that way? Ha yeah right! Whatever...! When there are tons of pretty & kewl girls in Edmonton he can like??? I would only DREAM of that happening!! But anyway...I hope my friend is feeling better. I hope shes not thinking of committing suicide still. =(
Well last night I was kind of annoyed with James...its becoz one night he is all hugging me & flirting with me & I am thinking he likes me more which is dumb becoz he does it with everyone & then the next night he doesnt say one word to me. I dont know why but I was annoyed with him for that. Thats dumb but I was but then today he hugged me again & said I was so tiny that it was hard for him to hug me! But I dont feel tiny. All I feel is blubber.
Also in the cab last night[or Tuesday night more like it]the cab driver was all touching my face & saying I am sweet girl & everything it was like "Ewww!"
I really have the urge to quit right now becoz I hate being dirty & I hate doing dishes & i hate the manager becoz I hate how just becoz my sister wanted me to switch to day shifts then of course dont bother asking me if its okay just go switch me! Sigh...thats what happened. Two of my late night shifts are crossed off & it says 7-3 on it! I was like WHAT? Its not that I MIND it but I LOVE my night shift people & the staff especially when James is on at night! He never does day shifts! There is this creepy server named Aubrey who says thing like "you look sexy" or "why dont you come to my apartment? It only has one bedroom & one bed" its liek "ewww your like 40!" I will see him for 8 hours if I do the day shift! Well I think that manager should of talked to me about it...! I want to have the same shift as ~*James*~!
Well I got to go. Bye!