Feeling like this is so normal!!
2001-07-07 || 1:48 a.m.
Right now I feel like I do not care what happens to me. I know that sounds really bad & selfish but its true. I also don't mean to sound like I am trying to make people feel bad for me or anything but its true. I know that even if it doesn't seem like there are people who actually care alot of the time...there are & those people don't want me to die & I'm sorry but I don't know why they care if I am here! I mean I don't do nothing! I'm quiet, I complain, I'm negative, I bitch, I'm never happy, I'm lazy & anything else like that...who would want someone like that in their life?? It will just put those people in a bad mood hanging around someone like that. People are always telling me to smile or asking me "Why are you so sad?" or "Whats that pout for?" & questions like that. Almost every person I know is talkative, always happy & positive. I know that at least once in everyones life they will be in a bad mood but not like I am! I am always at least 90% of the time in a bad mood. I'm sorry but that is the way I feel right now...like it wouldn't matter if I died tomorrow by getting hit by a car[I'd feel bad for whoever hits me or sees it]or if I die in a few months by my eating disorder...! Thats how I feel...so fucking sue me!!! Everyone feels like that alot of the time & its okay...well not okay if they are dead serious & want to committ suicide but its normal for people to feel like this.