I'm not sure how to say it!
2002-05-27 || 5:37 a.m.
It's VERY early here I know but I can't sleep coz I'm hot & cold at the same time & James is hogging on the blankets so I came downstairs! But anyway...I have alot to say but don't know how to say it. Do you ever feel that way??
On Wednesday the 22nd...i went to the bar for the first time in awhile. I went with some people from Denny's. The thing is I still had to go that nite...& I ended up going in a bit buzzed coz they got me to drink a banana paralyzer & two shooters! Heehee it was fun though coz i never do that much. People were shocked becoz of me going out...but so am I.
Then on Thursday I went to West Ed with two of the girls I met at the Blue concert...!! Hi Delreene! Hi DawnRaye! [if you see this eva]! I watched them go on the rollercoaster in galaxyland & it freaks me out totally! DawnRaye had to work that day so me & Del were walking around the mall for awhile & were going to go to the Deep Sea Adventures....but it was closed. We were going to go in the Deep Sea Caverns...closed. Dammit! Stupid mall! But it was kewl none the less!! Then I went home for about half an hour before going to see James...!!
What else to say. Unfortunately...I've been worse for weeks now with my bulimia. Yep I am bulimic & even the psych that told me I didn't have anything told me it was bulimia & it was serious & everything! Shocker becoz of that too...anyway yah i'm worse now. I puke at least once everyday practically. I've puked for like up to four times sometimes too. Its just hard for me to do whatever with my stomach feeling sore & full...blah I hate that feeling. I feel like I need to be 100% "perfect" or else I'm nothing. I feel alot like people don't care about me much...but then I should know that everyone gets that way alot rite?
I'm still sad about my friend who was raped. I mean she has to live through the trauma & everything now...who wants to do that!? I hate guys like that!! I fucking hate them!! I WISH YOU WOULD ALL JUST FUCKING DIEEEEEE!!!!!!! God if James ever raped me or anything god he'd be sooooo fucked up & dead rite now becoz...god I hate those guys & if he ended up being one...no matter WHAT excuse he had...he wouldn't be living to see the afternoon/evening/whenever it was when he did it. But I doubt he is like that at all...!! Dammit dammit dammit though...I HATE those guys!! =(
Okay anyway...I'm cool now. But I got to go & hopefully I'll have more to say real soon! Luv everyone of you lots! ~*Hugs*~ xoxoxo Renee