No internet...no time...so sorry!!
2002-09-06 || 5:17 p.m.
Its been sooo long since I've updated this diary hasn't it!? I've lost my internet at home weeks ago & been too busy or tired to use any other computer but rite now I feel like I should tell you whats happening with me these days.
First thank you to those people who signed my guestbook & told me about suicide & stuff. I'm glad to know that people care.
In three days I should be going back to school but the thing is I'm not. I was so pissed off when I couldn't go becoz school would be an awesome thing for me rite now! What happened was when I called a school about upgrading they asked my age & told me the price it would be all together so I'm like "Woohoo!" then when I go to register a week later...they tell me the price again & its about $300 more than it was on the phone! God...people suck. So it looks like I'm not going...in Feb though..I'm going back!! Wish me luck@!
I'm slowly quitting my Denny's job & doing two other jobs both part time on the weekends...like what I mean is one job will be like 7-3 & the other will be 4-10 & I will do one job two times a week & the other three times & be sure the higher paying job is the three day a week one!! I did get one job but its only minimum wage[$5.90]& no tip outs were mentioned at all so I will go for a few days & keep looking for another while i'm doing that. Then i will be doing fulltime jobs still plus have time for my friends & stuff plus therapy...! Wish me luck!!
Oh yah therapy...I went to group for the first time yesterday at 11 pm & it won't help me. I know it won't. Whenever you try to talk they interrupt & alot of people were frigging rude to this one girl...wholly I would of cried if people said what they said to her. Also I kind of slept in today coz I was supposed to go at 11 again & James forgot to actually turn the alarm on[I feel bad coz he keeps blaming himself for it]so I woke up at 11:04am!! So I called them & left a message with them saying sorry. But I will probably try to find a different group to go to..I don't know maybe it will be better for me having more kids my age. Yes I'm 22 & still calling myself a kid coz I look & act like it! Heehee!
I don't really know how much longer me & James are going to be together truthfully... I mean I looove being with him & am happy around him but then when I'm with him I'm like "I wonder if I would be here with him rite now like this if I never asked him if he wanted to do anything?" Yah coz usually I'm the one calling him, making plans[have the time he's "busy"]with him & everything...he's called me once in like as long as I can remember & thats becoz i left him a message on his machine when he went out. Then I finally go to his house again & its all about the sex again...but i won't get into that. God people at Denny's are always talking about how sweet their boyfriends are & then mine ignores me alot. He'd probably wouldn't mind Warhammer 24/7 but with me I go for a nite & "Oh no more Renee for a few weeks". I hate dissing him but its how I feel rite now...mad & hurt but then when I am off the net & go lay on the couch with him...I will be all nice to him. What gives!? Is anyone else like that!? I'm slowly seeing the light that everyone else sees though! Wish me luck on that! I can't forget that two of my friends went through worse than I did with guys though...and I think this is bad[me & James]?
Oh yah I need to know what you all think about one year anniversary of dating not marriage. Coz we've been together for 11 months & two days meaning our anniversary is in a bit less than a year. Should I get him something or is that dumb to celebrate this kind of anniversary[that is if he deserves it by then lol]?
My eating disorder is probably worse than it has been for awhile coz I always need to puke my food up & stuff these days! I seriously don't know how this group is going to stop myself from feeling fat & all that. How could it!?
Well that is all I Have to say rite now but I will try to write in here way more than over a month like I did! I have nothing for Aug 2002 which is the longest I went without updating! Awww no well I got to go...!!!