Why cant everything be perfect?
2001-10-11 || 5:00 p.m.
Sigh...why do men suck so much? Why do people have to die? Why do people have to make up lies or use people? Why cant everything be perfect & peopel are never ever sad??? Me & my friend are both sad rite now...I feel worse for her though. Her boyfriend just broke up with her...men always break up with the poor girl & for what reason?! I DONT KNOW!! Shes so nice & pretty & everything people would want in a girl! If I was gay or a guy then I would ask her out & tell her the truth about everything & actually KEEP my promises! Thats what I am going to do to James. I like him so much & want to stay with him for a long time. But people are warning me..."Be careful hes using you for sex!" My co-workers & even my manager is saying that. He doesnt seem like the kind of guy that would do that! Not at all!! He let me stay at his parents house on Thanksgiving Sunday so I wouldnt be alone all day..he told me he would never hurt me coz i am fragile & saying all these sweet things...why would he do that & use me? I dont fucking get it! I trust him sooo much that I even let him..never mind..I will just say we went furthur...but not THAT far. I am too scared to go that far with him coz what if the next day he gives me the big heave ho?? You know what that would do to me?! He would be in so much crap thats for sure! Everyone was saying if he hurts me then they will hurt him!
Also my grandma died on Monday nite at 12 am & we went to her funeral. I seemed to be worse than her actual kids! I didnt even see her that much either but peopel I know dying on me does that to me...! I hate death & I hope that I am first to die of the rest of us! I wouldnt matter to people as much as the rest of the family would & they wouldnt have to listen to my constant whining & complaining all the time! Im sure alot of people would like me gone first! I would want me gone first. All I could do is wish James was here with me like everyone elses boyfriends/girlfriends...husbands/wives...fiancees were.
Well I got to go. If James breaks up with me after we have sex...I will already hate men!!!