Birthday plans screwed...& how stupid psychs are!!
2002-03-15 || 5:55 p.m.
Okay it looks like my birthday plans are kind of screwed rite now! I was going to go to a movie or something with friends maybe...& my mom wants me to go to Fort Saskatchewan for a few days! I will go see my mom becoz I can always go with friends next time we have time & I dont get to see my mom much. I think I am going to ask my boyfriend to go to since we have been seeing each other for five months & a half...!! Its time to meet my mom @ least! As long as he doesnt ignore me, try talking about Warhammer to anyone or try to make me do anything sexual that I dont want to do. Then he should be safe from my moms exboyfriend. EEEKS! That man[Dan~my moms ex]always tries to embarass people & says what he means no matter what so what if he says something!? But I was supposed to go see James on Sunday & Im not going to tell my mom "Oh I have plans with James" becoz thats rude! I would so like mom to meet James & I can show him around my old town...woohoo! *not* There truthfully isnt much to show him really. Oh wait I can show him my old schools...all I have to do is take him to the back alley by my oldest house & he can see my Elementary school, Jr High & High school rite in front of him! I can show him around our *SUPER COOL* mall *more sarcasm there* & all the houses/apartments[about 3 or 4]we once lived in while we were living there...! But I CAN for real this time introduce him to my other sister, Allison & anyone else I end up meeting & atleast if Dans starts to cause trouble for James...we can leave & go home or drive around or something. But I will HOPE Dan doesnt do anything he WILL regret later on in life.
Well...everything is so screwed up. People tell me things & then others tell me different. Like my therapist/pshyciatrist said that day that I am bulimic not anorexic & then yesterday I was talking to my counsellor on the phone & she said that they were saying I dont even have an eating disorder & that I just have eating problems! What about how I cant really keep food down without getting the urge to throw up? What about everyone telling me Im way too thin when I feel so fat? Most importantly what about the fainting spell I had that day? DO I have to be in a fucking hospital bed fighting for my life before they will even give a damn?! Do I have to literally look like a skeleton & be sore all over? What kind of doctors do we have these days? No one gives a fuck anymore!! Okay...the doctors in the Fort Hospital everytime I came back from overdosing would just tell me I can go home & dont do it again...I would come back & they would do the same thing over & over. No help or anything. Then the psychiatrist I had before..."dont throw up your food" & thats it. Then these new docs...they tell me that I am bulimic & then they say I dont have an eating disorder...!! God what kind of doctors are they!?!? If I dont have a eating disorder...what is wrong with me really? What caused me to faint? Why am I below my normal weight? Why does food not make me happy no more? I didnt go to the doctor for a check up since 1997 so maybe its time to go back. It could be something worse than I think.....