I want to surprise James! Should I or no?
2001-12-01 || 2:15 a.m.
Why does it seem like James is getting more & more like an Asshole these days? Am I just thinking he is becoz I am always thinking negative or is he just one of those guys? He seems so different than he was before I started dating him coz when I knew him before I knew him as a cute & sweet server/cook who never complained much to others & who loved to flirt with the girls there & was the perfect guy for me. Now that i know him I know how lazy he can be & that he is ruder out of the resterant & more bossy.
Maybe if I keep doing things for him, not listening to everything he says but like buying him things or something. Like I can get the flower people to send him flowers or something or something from "A Secret Admirer" but I give it away totally to tell him who sent it? But isn't that something more a girl would like from a guy? Or I need to take him out for our two month anniversary. Is there actually such thing as celebrating an anniversary every month or is it only every year? I need to do something for him to make him no that I trully care about him & that I really like him alot. Maybe I should leave him a sweet message on his answering machine? Awww it would be sooo much easier if I was a guy & had a gf coz the guys seems to be the ones to do that...not the girls!
Should I just wait until he does something back for me or should I spoil the guy rotten? I mite ask him to come over & then make my room look all nice & we can make out in it but no thats too corny & I am sick of just making out...! Plus my sister lives here too & she doesn't want anything to do with us! But I want to do something very special for him sometime maybe even give him a "Becoz I care" surprise party or something but I want to totally shock him! I want him to know how much I care for him...I will ignore the things he is doing to make me think he isn't caring. Maybe doing something for him will stop him from being worse if he is planning on controlling me coz he may think "Oh she won't do much so I will just boss her around coz she'll do anything for me"
Is he worth it or no? Awww I don't know what to do! Last nite...at like 4 am we went to his room to go to bed but made out for awhile first. He put my hands on his penis to make me rub it which doesn't bother me coz of done that tonz of times but we kissed alot & did the same thing we did alot of times but then he said he kept having dirty thoughts in his head & one was that if I tried then I would probably give a mean blowjob & I said I wasn't ready to & he's like "Hmmm its funny...you thought we were ready for sex but aren't ready for this?" Its not my fault how I feel is it? I am not the kind of girl that would put a guys penis in her mouth & suck on it! I can't do it rite now! Its sooo not me & I don't like to think of it as a "blowjob" & I am not sure WHAT to think of it as...but I couldn't do it at the mo!
Welll I don't know...what should I do? Should I do something for him or not?