I want to find "The One"...
2003-01-02 || 11:33 a.m.
My house isnt at all where you should show your feelings if youre sad. No one cares at all. I like all three of them[two are my sisters after all]but they either ignore me or bitch at me & assume that Im wallowing in self pity NO MATTER WHAT I cry about!!
I need to be with someone who will let me cry as much as I need to...someone to be there for me. I cant believe my own sisters dont care...but then again they put up with my crap for my whole life. But I dont want any attention! Im just sad. Is that allowed anymore??
I think Im just going to give up on James. I will be his friend & all that but Im just going to try to find another guy. I just hope I find someone who treats me really well & is always there for me like I will be there for him. And I hope that James finds someone who will treat him well & who he will treat well too. I dont like seeing people get hurt...& I dont like being hurt.
Do you think Im just trying to get attention!? DO I cry over break ups & get stressed out enough to have a panic attack becoz I want attention?! Nothing gets through their heads that Im just sad. They dont make it any better acting the way they do. I know that if Keri cried about something she would get all the hugs in the world from people...& me..I get dumped all over by people.
If my soulmate is around please show yourself dammit! I want to meet you & fall in love with you! I wish Michael was still around...I miss him! I was dating James & got worried that I mite fall in love with another guy[Mike]! Im slowly starting to know that there are other guys out there & that I miss James alot but its really hard on me becoz hes my first bf, first kiss, the guy I lost my virginity to, first break up....so yah its understandable why Im upset isnt it??
I just hope sometime this year I find someone....I wish I was still with James but I know I will find someone else. This year WILL be cool for me. I know it! Im going to try out for modelling, try to find any kind of sport I will like, be cleaner & go out with friends more. I am dead serious about my resolutions & WILL actually DO something about them. Ha! We will see about that....